The Questions of Life

I was listening to some young women talk recently, and I was struck by how caught up they were with their tales of what he said and what she did. Ashamedly, my first thought was to judge how superficial those types of conversations are. I have lately been getting weary of the pop-culture’s preoccupation with what they are wearing and what we are going to do tonight and what we did last night and what she said to him. Then I had a revelation about how we think in the different stages of life.

From the time we’re born until we are about 22, we are discovering the answers to the question what. We basically want to know what is going on in this world where we live. As children, we must learn what the names of all the objects are in our universe. What does this word say? What is that continent? What is the answer to this math question? What do I want to be when I grow up?

After around age 22, we have a foundation of what, and then we move on to how. How am I going to accomplish my goals? How will I take all the whats and turn them into what is? So we set our hearts and our hands upon the task of accomplishing how the life we want to have will work.

For approximately 20 years, we invest a lot of blood, sweat and tears toiling through our hows; and then we hit around 42 and start asking why. Why did I make this choice? Why did I react that way? Why am I not where I thought I would be? Why are those children so consumed with what she said? Obviously, I am in this stage now. I do believe that this questioning process we go through helps us grow. We learn things about our world, how it works, and about ourselves.

I believe I will find that the prevailing question during the last stage from around 62-82 is when. When will those dreams I had come to pass? When will my children come around? When will my body give out?

I don’t know exactly why I had this revelation (I am definitely in the why stage), but it does help me to realize that these questions are a natural flow of life, and they are useful for us to ask. I must not chagrin the questions of another age. Also, if I feel stuck in any of these stages, unable to move to the next, I can ask myself the questions of the ages: What am I thinking about? How is this working for me? Why am I stalled in this stage when I could be asking new questions? When am I going to make a positive change to be in the place I want to be?

Let us never stop asking questions...of ourselves, of others, and of God. When we stop wondering, we start dying. But as long as we hunger for more, I believe we will be fed!

Life from the Inside Out

Writing helps me unravel the chaos in my head and form it into something discernable. This is a challenging venture, since my mind is like a congested amusement park, crowded with booths of memories and worries and hurts and disappointments and lectures and plans and ideas and dreams. Every booth I pass has a vendor waving and yelling at me to come into this space and spend my time. But when my thoughts get to escape through my fingers, then I can look at them, sort and order them, mold them and redeem them into a space worth dwelling.

Redeeming my thoughts is an issue of survival at this point in my life. All those jokes about women in mid-life were not just made up out of thin air! Every unhealthy thinking-pattern that has steered me thus far is worn out and needs replacing. Baggage that I have carried since childhood has gotten too heavy to lug around anymore. Mirrors through which I have seen myself are cracked. Facts that I “knew” are no longer true. (What do you mean…Pluto is no longer a planet?)

Now I am on a quest, a cleaning-binge of sorts, to dismantle every false notion that I have held, and replace them with authentic, compassionate and life-giving realities. I am hunting down any persona that has built up residence in my soul because someone else planted her there. Me and God are the only ones allowed to define who I am. I am also going after the garbage that I’ve consumed that devalues human beings for any reason, or esteems one person above another. We are ALL beloved screw-ups, so let’s just give everyone some grace!

I think anyone who's walked this earth for a few years has sad stories to tell. It's called the human condition, fallen man (and woman), sinful nature--we've all hurt and been hurt. When I consider that every person is carrying around private pain while trying to make the best out of life, I do wonder why we are so hard on each other. This is a compassionate, life-giving reality that I will remember…we all share the human condition. Let us not think that we have been hurt worse, or we have hurt others less than someone else. This perspective helps me view mankind charitably.

I don’t know why all this pain and suffering has to exist; there is obviously something I have not understood about God. But as a beloved screw-up in this race of humans, I cannot endure the thought of my hurt, both inflicted and received, without believing in the forgiving grace of God. I cannot bear the moments in-between the frenetic pace of life without the knowledge of his presence, which he promises will always be there. I could not go through the mundane tasks of daily life without the hope of an eternal dimension giving meaning to monotony.

When I was young, I didn’t spend as much time thinking about life, but rather reacting to the feeling of the moment. Now I realize the great value in being connected to the divine, living life from the inside out.

Peace in the Light

As I go through the moments of each day, I sometimes think that I am just one step away from insanity. In idle seconds in the midst of little tasks, the sadness or confusion of life feels like a wave that could wash over me and sweep me away. Painful memories flash across my mind of difficult moments I have endured, and I must force myself to turn my gaze to a beautiful memory instead. Fears and uncertainties of tomorrow tangle my thoughts into endless circles, and I quell the terror with assurances that things always end up working out for my best—only because God makes it so.

I find myself longing for the day when all will be at peace and these dark thoughts will no longer crouch in the corners of my mind, waiting to overtake me. I have harbored the notion that at some mysterious point later in life, all conflicts become resolved and complete rest is possible...on this side of heaven.

Apparently, this absolute peace is not a point in time, but a state of being. Christ did say that He came to give us “peace that passes all understanding” and that “the world could not take it away”. Somehow, Lord, somehow we can be on the beach, IN the waves, and the sun (Son) can be so bright, that we do not even notice the waves. Oh God, that is my heart’s cry, that I could live my life so completely aware of your Son shining His love upon me, that I would have NO awareness of the dangers in the wind and the waves. So, I sing this song:

Lord, the light of Your love is shining

In the midst of the darkness shining

Jesus, light of the world, shine upon us

Set us free by the truth You now bring us

Shine on me, shine on me

Shine, Jesus, shine